my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
