I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
