FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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