I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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