4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize