Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
