you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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