You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
