I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
