oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
