my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
