You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
