So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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