So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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