You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
