Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
