I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We smell like vodka and hangover
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
