Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
