even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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