Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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