so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
