he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize