Where did you get a picture of my penis
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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