When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
