I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
