I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
