i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
