a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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