Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
