If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
