idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
