He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
