wrigley field is MILF paradise
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
