Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
