if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
