guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
