Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
