No period for spring break; use this wisely.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
