i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
