Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
