Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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