Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
