I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
