I think my vagina is haunted
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
