I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
