somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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