apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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