what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
