it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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