The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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