Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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