I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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