i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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