so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
