tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
