i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
