I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
