3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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