umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
