Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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