quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
