1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
