my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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