"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
