The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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