I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
