Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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