I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
