So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
