i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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