i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize