the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
