my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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