Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
