He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
