Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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