just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
