Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
