I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
