Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
