I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize