No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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