If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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