So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
