You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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