And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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