i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
