My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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