Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
