You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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