My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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