I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
