I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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