That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize